well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
