I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
nutella sex= disaster
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
