did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
