I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
