so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
