girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
