Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
