roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
