he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
