i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
