Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
