I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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