i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
