Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
