My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
