I wannas sexs uuuuu
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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