So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
