Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
NoShamevember. You game?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
