My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
