I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
