Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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