So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
