When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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