Just cropdusted the office
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
