in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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