I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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