I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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