Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
