Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well most of my day revolves around power hour
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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