I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
