i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
