any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
