I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
