Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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