watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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