I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He kissed a someone with a penis
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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