it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
