Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
