video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
