:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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