trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
