my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
