its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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