I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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