I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
