I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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