You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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