I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
