Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
