I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
why is half of my head shaved?
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