I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
