I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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