She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
