3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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